bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize