Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
