I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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