i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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