I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
