Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
