I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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