how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
