Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
