I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize