good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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