Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
