You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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