My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
