i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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