I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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