I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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