I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
