the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize