No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
