Betty ford says i'm here all night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize