so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
