At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
