but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize