its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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