she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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