So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
