I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
