My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
