whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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