I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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