I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
