How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
