i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
