goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
