the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
