Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
