Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize