I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
