i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
