I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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