When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This toilet bowl is my home.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
