I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
