I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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