So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
