No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
