I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
