I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
