i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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