Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
