we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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