I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
