i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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