After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
