I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
