i think my tv is drunk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
