I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have tasted many bathrooms
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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