Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
Randomize
