vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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