It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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