i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize