some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Watching her eat just hurts me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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